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I think as most of you will agree, confrontations are not fun. I avoid them like the plague. There is always an external reason I can find to not say something uncomfortable, which is internally covering up the fear of embarrassment, insecurity, rejection, or disappointment.

With all of this noted, there are times and situations in our lives that we can not walk through with tape over our mouths. We were given a voice, an opinion, and feelings for a reason.  When these moments occur, I have to pull from a voice deep within me to find the courage to speak. My voice is shaky, my words are jumbled, my eye contact is poor, but I’m speaking.

And, there is a beauty in being heard.

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  This is how I felt all day long….

Sometimes there just isn’t enough Diet Coke to make these days bearable. But, you know what? Tomorrow is Friday and the sun will surely rise. Later rather than sooner…I hope 😉

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Tonight I watched The Bucket List with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson for the very first time. It completely touched my heart. I’m crying now just thinking about it. My husband and I have been talking about what is on our individual bucket lists for months now, but this movie really put things into perspective for me. I don’t want to be terminally ill before I get started.

Life is so wonderful. Just the other day as I was driving home and thinking, I thought about the possibility of ‘bad’ being taken from our world. I thought about how everyone would wear a smile, everything would go as planned, and sadness was unheard of. I basked in this thought for a few moments before I realized… but what would joy be without disappointment? What would achievement be without the possibility of failure? What would love be without the heartache? Life is so wonderful.

I like the part in the movie where Morgan Freeman’s character first speaks of the infamous bucket list. He explains how his original was full of frivolous ideas and possessions that a young man would desire. This made me think over  my personal bucket list. I have many things that I could go without doing, and still have lived a full life. I do however have specific contributing additions that I feel so deeply compelled to accomplish.

My Bucket List

 

1. finish school and become a teacher.

2. never stop trying to make my mom smile.

3. be even half the mother my mother is to me.

4. never stop falling in love.

5. grow stronger in my faith and even closer to God.

6. see the good.

7. take piano lessons again.

8. kiss my husband on top of a mountain.

 9. camp out at a music festival.

10. build a home with a foundation from love.

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The world is already filled with so much negative and daily struggles that bring us down, why make things that much harder by allowing the people you surround yourself with, to bring you down?

This seems like such an easy concept but unfortunately it has taken me into  my late twenties to fully comprehend that I can choose who fills my life. I am definitely a forgiving person, maybe too much for my own good. In the past, I have allowed volatile friends and sadly to say, even family members to control my heart. I allowed them to put me down, discourage me, confuse me with competitiveness, all because once I love someone I find it hard to let go. I had and still have a strained relationship with my father. My father used words and violence to hurt me. I learned what it truly means to forgive at a very young age. I also had a “best friend” of  fifteen years who would find ways to belittle me. No matter what achievement I accomplished, there was always something negative she could point out. As I explain this to you, it seems almost silly I would not have acknowledged this problem and wiped my hands clean, but I would always find a way to see the good. I found excuses for why my friend would hurt me and as years passed it became easier and easier to forgive my dad. I buried the hurt.

Have you ever met someone who just makes your heart sing? They never bring you down but lift your spirits at all the right times. There is a true feeling inside of you when you meet someone like this. It could be your mother, a friend, a co-worker, or possibly even a stranger. Sometimes just one comment can raise you to the moon and you literally can feel your heart smile. The older I have gotten, the more of these moments I have experienced. It is with God’s love and these moments that I realized, these people are who I want to fill my life.

I believe that God brings people into our lives for reasons, many different reasons. It was still hard for me to let go of people I cared for but who also brought me down. I tried talking with my friend and asking her why she said and did the things she did. We went without talking for years and I tried again. It was my husband who reminded me when the friendship turned sour once more, that she wasn’t a person I should call a friend. I still try to keep an E-mail based relationship with my father, just to make sure that he is OK. Sometimes they are pleasant and he will tell me he loves me, and sometimes I am faced with everything I went through before. It is hard, but distance from this destructiveness is what I need to stay strong. 

God has also placed such beautiful people in my life. People that are meant to stay in my life. People who make me laugh and cry from happiness. I am so grateful for these people and each time they lift me up, I am inspired to do so for them.

My hope is that you have so many people in your life….

to raise you up.

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I adore you.

I appreciate you.

I can’t live without you.

I cherish you.

I need you.

Je t’aime.

I yearn for you.

I’m a better person because of you.

I’m yours.

You inspire me.

You make my heart beat.

Ti amo.

You are my world.

You are wonderful.

You have my heart.

I can’t stop thinking about you.

Te quiero.

You are beautiful.

You give me purpose.

You make me smile.

I’m crazy for you.

You amaze me.

I’m still falling for you.

You were made for me.

My heart dances for you.

You are my strength.

I want you.

I love you.

 

   I love my husband more than words will ever express, but I know that I am guilty of becoming complacent in our day-to-day ‘norm’ , that I forget to show him.

Hearing the words “I love you” can be magical when said at the right moment. It can be comforting and reassuring when your spirits are low.

I also know that when you are married, saying “I love you” becomes almost orthodox. Not to undermine its value but just to say once it becomes expected, sometimes we cease to absorb its full meaning.

In dedication to this realization and to February {the month of love!} I have decided to present myself with a 28 day challenge! During this challenge I will devote each day to finding a new way to show my husband how much he is loved. After all, they do say, actions speak louder than words.

 

Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

-Franklin P. Jones

 

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And when I touch you I feel happy,

 Inside, it’s such a feeling my love,

I can’t hide.

– The Beatles

 

Do you ever feel like you are floating through your days? I find myself feeling this way more often than I would like.

I recently got married to the love of my life. When we met we were both so individually lost that when we found each other, we just knew we were home. We both stopped asking ourselves questions like, “what should I do with the rest of my life?”, we just knew who we would be spending it with.

My husband works extremely hard at a job that I know is not his dream job. He does this so we can afford our lifestyle. We don’t live lavishly and I’d like to think that although we’re always striving to better our situation, that our foundation is built on love. With his hard work comes long hours, which leaves me home alone quite a bit. I’ve gone through such a transformation after getting married to adjusting to being together yet being alone.

I have a lot of friends but as time passed I felt more and more distance between those friendships. I felt myself changing. I had lost the desire to go out drinking and dancing all night. Was that all I used to do with my friends? After so long and so many nights watching “Sleepless in Seattle” too many times, I tried to go out. You don’t HAVE to drink to go out, right? After twenty minutes of trying to come up with something to talk about, noting that I was so “out of the loop” and some random guy continually telling me to”liven up”; I just had to go home. My dog and pj’s were calling my name.

It makes me miss my best friends who all live out-of-state. Friends are supposed to be people you can talk to, laugh with, cry with, make cookies with, watch a movie with, or maybe just someone to sit beside you, so you aren’t alone. I know I have true friends who I can do these things with,they are just too far away right now. After my attempts at reconnecting with friends here in town I began praying every night for God to let me meet a new friend.

 My husband truly is my best friend. Through everything that I’ve been going through he always listens, he never judges, and he is always there to take my hand.In those moments, I am reminded that we are in this together.

My faith in God brought me to my husband, and although it has taken awhile for me to see clearly this journey now that He is taking me on, I know it will lead to something beautiful. The floating moments that creep up on me, I try to remind myself of how precious one hand can effect a moment. Your day. Your Life.

 to promise…

 to protect….

 to create…

 to inspire…

 to remind…

 to comfort…

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